Love, Hate, Peace.

I woke up early morning, it must been around 4 am. I arrived to this hotel around middle of the night. I went to sleep straight away as I wanted to see the sunrise early in the morning.
I was standing in the balcony of the hotel room and looked at the nature with awe and wonder. Flowers filled the place with fragrance, the river was flowing gently. The moon shone with a gentle radiance, the stars added to its brilliance. It was early in the morning, but night had left its traces. It looked like the moon was gazing at it’s own reflection in the water, just like I was. A gentle breeze from the river and the trees kept me perpetually cool.
Suddenly I felt this unknown joy and excitement. I wanted to embrace the darkness, the river, the moon and the stars and wanted to become one with them. I felt like getting into the skin of the long grown trees and the leaves and wanted to feel as if I was them and I wanted to touch the skies and feel in them in my hand. This must have what god wanted to feel, otherwise why did he became everything from a human being to down an ant. All scriptures were confirming this, I felt as if god was a lonely man. I myself felt like god, wanted become everything so I could taste and feel the nature in my single cell. These feelings lasted for few minutes.

“Is this what people call love?” The closeness or the yearning of an intimate connection, a form of madness where one loses oneself. Yearning for oneness but can never be achieved in this way. The physical reality will put a stop to this. No wonder this type of love end in disappointment. This is impossible, To achieve this, you simply have to melt away and lose your individuality and risk yourself to becoming the other. But none will take that risk. Could I take the risk of melting away and become the river that flows in front of me? Of course not! I am so used to be me, used to myself, I simply cannot lose this identity. I might pay a high cost, I never know. Knowingly or unknowingly humans loves themselves most and they cannot take the risk of losing their individuality. You cannot let go of this “I”, you have build your entire life and death around it.

Suddenly I realised I was merely being an observer, who was longing for an intimate oneness with the nature. It seemed impossible, as there was a separation and this cannot happen if I couldn’t melt away and become one with everything that existed, a physical separation is there indeed or I was habituated with my physical body that I cannot see any other means of getting closer.

My heart became heavy, sadness was creeping up and suddenly the sky darkened. As the rain drops started to fall, I suddenly had a vision of a deep dark hole, within me,
it could swallow me any time and eat me. I refused to fall into it and I was trying to shake this feeling out of myself. I never wanted to look into this, but now this was brought in front of me and I had no choice but to look into it. I felt a sense of dread and a question popped into my head. “Are you unhappy?”
I dared to not to answer. “Not now, I cannot deal with this now”

My thoughts were chased by the sound of a motor; I looked the direction, a white car entered into the hotel. I saw my guide getting out from the car.
First I thought to go down, and then I thought I better stay and watch the sun and then go down later.
After couple of hours I made myself ready and went downstairs to meet the guide. I couldn’t wait to get out from the hotel.

All my life I dreamed to come here now finally I found myself in the laps of lower of Himalayas, and surrounded by scenic beauty of the hills on three sides with Holy Ganga flowing through it.
“What a mysterious place I thought to myself!” Even the air felt so different from any other places that my breathing had become different.

“Good morning Madam! “Did you have a good night sleep”?

I thought all the Indian guides sounded like Old English butlers.
“O common, call me by my name” and I sat right next to him, which made him move further away from me.
He continued, “I am waiting for your other family members, but since you are here what is that you would like to do?” “If you let know, I will try and see if i can fit it in into your itinerary”

He was very tall and fair and must be little younger or same age as me. When I looked at him, he reminded me of a deer. He had long neck, thin legs and small ears with curious eyes. He was scanning the whole environment at once and his movements were like he was ready to take off anytime if there was any danger. He didn’t look like an ordinary guide we had earlier. “He must be a fast runner and he must use his legs a lot”, I thought to myself.

With so much excitement, I said, “Can you take me to those places where I could see people, I mean real people”?
He looked at me with an impression that he didn’t understand what I was on about.

“What a stupid thing to say”, I bit my tongue, “I need to think before I speak”.
I blurted out something and I was myself trying to make some sense of what I just said.

Before I could say anything, he said, “You will be seeing people all day”.

“What I meant was, I was not interested in usual tourist spots, I want to go where life is, where the villagers are and where I could see the real life and culture of people, sages, or baba jis as you may call them. The people of the Himalayas and river Ganga.”

Suddenly I had a picture of my geography teacher in my mind when I mentioned the word culture. Once he spoke about Himalayas, he said, “the culture is very different in this particular hill sides. Women marry more than one man. It is almost like marrying the whole family. First she would be introduced to the eldest son of the family and the rituals take place, soon she would be marrying rest of his brothers. This is the custom here and all live happily together. These marriages are conducted for practical reasons; normally the man will have to leave the family for six months to work to provide food. At this time her other husband, his brother will be staying with the woman and the children, once first husband returns, the seond will go away for 6 months. They take turn and normally the children will call all of them their fathers “Dad” and there would be never a question of separation or divorce. All men will love these children as their own.
Compassion and love! Is this existing for the survival of the selfish gene?” Dawkins made little sense to me now, although I always found him irritatingly boring.

“For this you will have to do some trekking and I don’t think we could do this in this trip, you are only here for three days.” I was awaken from my thoughts by the guide.

He mentioned couple of temples in the area and he said, “I was going to take you there”. These temples are very famous and he said “well there are actually number of 60 Sakthi Peethas and we will be going to one of them, where Sakthi entered into the fire”.
I gave him a frustrated look and he couldn’t understand this, “How many Sakthi peethas are there?”, “I thought there were only 52”

He knew I was right. I turned away like I was disinterested in what he was about to say. He had already rejected my suggestions and he couldn’t get the facts right. I didn’t see any point in continuing this conversation with him.

He was thinking for a minute and then he spoke, “I don’t know much about temples,
I don’t know anything in details, just the basics. Truly I don’t take this type of jobs. I am a trekker and I take the westerners to do trekking or mountain claiming and normally this lasts for like 16 days to a month.
For this I turned around and said,

“I want to do some walking; you might know some interesting places where I could walk on my own”.
“But what about other family members, I am not sure how they would feel about this”. “Beside I cannot leave you on your own” I cannot risk my job”.

“You don’t even have to come with me, I will find my way, just guide me a little and let me wander around and see everything for myself”.

“I can’t do that”, he was firm this time.

I looked at him and then I realised that there was no point in having this conversation.
“Then do not ask me what I want to do today, obviously I cannot do that”.

He was silent for minute. It looked like as if he was thinking of something and trying to make a decision.

I know a Baba, I used visit him at his ashram and he is loving person. Normally women don’t go to his ashram. His disciples are there, only men. I am not sure whether I could take you there. I will see.
“We can go there and if I am not Welcome I am happy to stay away”, that wouldn’t be a problem at all”, this is all I wanted, nothing else”.
“Well let us see how others feel about this and if they are happy with this we can go”.

My family members came one by one, I was simply waiting for them to find a table to sit-down so I could go and sit far away from them on my own.
Somehow I felt annoyed with myself and with all the others around me. With this type of mood Aloneness appealed to me.


Our journey started and we walked through long grown trees and hills. We had been to few temples. They were all wonderful. Everything looked like a fantasy, I found myself admiring things that I normally wouldn’t notice, and it felt like that everything was so unimaginably beautiful that even time was stood still to take a glance. “I am taking you to baba ji, you will have 15 min to be there, and then we will be heading for lunch. It is almost lunch time.
“Do we have to do this? I am already hungry! Can we not go the restaurant? Please take us to a good restaurant”. The voice of the others annoyed me.
I asked the guide, “Can’t you show them the restaurant so they can go and have food there, and take me to the ashram”?

He turned around and spoke to THE OTHERS, he could sense some tension in the group and he also knew how adamant and irritating I had been whole day.

Some how this trip had made me more monster like, I normally look/act like a loving person, my compassionate "look like" face actually support this. A calm and loving face and willing to accommodate others and normally people would look at me and say that I am friendly and socialising person.

However the face was still the same, but my heart or mind was not. I was not at all accommodating, I wanted to do what I wanted to do and I found myself sitting on my own and most of the time I felt like I was acting like a snob.

He said, “Actually the ashram is located in the river banks of ganga and it is such a beautiful spot”, “then if we walk 30 min from this place we will go to this nice vegetarian restaurant and from there the saree shops are only 30 min.
“That is wonderful then so we can do shopping later on” I heard exiting voices from the group.

“Of course” he smiled.

I looked at him and we exchanged smiles, because we both knew that we were only 15 min away from the shopping area.
He was simply trying to persuade the others to join us. He cannot be in two places at the same time and he felt a sense of duty towards me.

Suddenly I felt sorry for him; we had put him in middle of our tension.
.
He always walked a head of us. Others were walking very slowly. I had to do some fast walking to keep up with him. Once I was beside of him, I said, “I am sorry, I truly feel bad.”
“Oh common, I have a family too, I know how everything works”. He smiled.
“I simply don’t want to disappoint you, I will take you to this ashram as I promised”. he continued to walk faster.

We walked through a dense area of the jungle. Somehow the image of Buddha came to my mind. He feared a life time of unhappiness and discontentment, Siddhartha, destined to a luxurious life as a prince and was married when he was 16 and left the palace when his wife gave birth to his son. That is one version of the story.

The other version says, Siddharta was an honorable and responsible man who would not abandon his wife, his child, or his kinfolk to go on a spiritual journey, but he left when his wife died and his son got married.

The third version is much better though, Siddharta wakes up in the middle of night and experience the dancing girls had fallen asleep and were sprawled about, snoring and sputtering. He get a great shock as if the beauties have turned into beasts, thus he leaves the palace and runs to the forest in utter bewilderment.

But I would say Buddha was lonely, loneliest man in the world. Perhaps he was loneliest when he was in the midst of his own kinfolk. There was nothing and nobody outside of himself that he could turn to or relate to. Then there was this outside world, the forest, which was threatening him.
Forest was the wild, unknown monster that was out-side of his castle and was threatening his happiness day and night, “I might come and swallow you at any time”. He couldn’t help but to face, face the forest and look into its eyes. He trusted himself enough to leave his comfort zone (his castle) and ran to the forest and became wild with the wild.
Thus he transcended the fear of the unknown and fell in love with the unknown. He connected to it in solitude with a more loving and intimate way. He made the unknown known, not just to him, but to the world too.

He had the courage to trust his own insights, to acknowledge when something wasn’t working, to let it go and to keep going. He was practicing his life. He was exploring his mind, used every opportunity to see more clearly.
He was most courageous, this is very difficult for a normal human being. We are driven by our habits. We cannot rise beyond our comfort zone, even if this comfort zone meant suffering and pain, Buddha had a sense of direction and he trusted that. He trusted himself and he trusted the moment of now.

Finally we were at the ashram.

I saw a hut and it was very small and simple, at the entrance of the hut, I saw orange robbed figure almost naked to the waist and dark skinned. His eyes were wide open, yet it looked quite vacant. Although he faced the guide, spoke few words in the local language, he didn’t look surprised at all to see new faces at his ashram.
The guide fell at his feet and said baba ji and continued to speak in most humble way.
I followed the guide and fell at his feet and prayed to him and asked the guide to translate for me.
“I have come here without your permission, I apologise if I had broken the ashram rules”.
The guide looked little uncomfortable, yet he translated this, and the babaji ( this is how he was referred by the Guide) spoke to him.
“Tell them to come in and have the dharsan of my guru”
At this point I was thrilled as he had invited us in.
The Guide turned around and he looked pleased now, he said, “ Babaji wants us to visit his guru’s Samadhi where he mediated for many years and he never took food”.
This baba ji is now his deciple and he had not taken food for last 16 years. So let us go to the cave where his guru ji meditated.
I was happy and I said lets just do that.

We now walked passed the ashram and turned into a small path which led us to the cave at the banks of river Ganga. When I saw the cave, I walked first and without any thought processes took off my trainers and I simply jumped into the cave. When I hit the ground I felt as if I had received electric shock.
“Don’t go in there, that place is sacred, that is where guru ji sat and meditated, come out”
The guide was quite annoyed and he sounded like he regretted bringing me here.
I wanted to get out, but I couldn’t. My feet was paining so much that I couldn’t move. Suddenly I was overwhelmed by sense of guilt as if I had done something terribly wrong.
I was almost crying “ I was speaking to the guru ji, please forgive, I am such an ignorant person”
Suddenly I had a vision, vision of lord Siva smiling at me.
“what is happening to me, I was not sure, perhaps I had hurt myself so badly that my brain was not working properly.
I felt this overwhelming energy engulfing me with so much love and compassion, at first I was struggling and then I surrendered and allowed it overtake me. The minutes passed with unspeakable slowness. It was almost like I experienced eternity in the fragment of seconds.
I heard the voice of my guide again, “ Madam are you okie?” do you need any help to come out from there.
I came to my senses and quickly got out of the cave.
I apologised, but he didnt say anything and he was disappointed by my act.
I bowed down to the cave and asked for forgiveness again, but I was not myself and I felt like a drunkard. I walked back to the ashram slowly and entered into the small room and sat down with crossed legs, meditative position.
The baba ji was sitting far away from me in the corner of the room, he was looking at his guru's picture, perhaps he was meditating.
I took my chance to gaze at both his guru and him.
Suddenly I felt like closing my eyes, it was almost like something was getting hold of me, this energy was flowing internally like a river of silence and was penetrating me with deep peace.
I didn’t know how many minutes I was gone, but I saw baba ji standing in front of me, and the guide was speaking to me,
“madam your family wants to leave and baba ji is asking whether you would like to have prasadham before leaving.
I looked at them and didn’t say anything.
I had to think where I was, my eyes landed on the incense sticks that was burning in front of the guru’s jis picture. It looked like that they had surrendered fully to their nature of being burned, melted away as ashes while emanated fragrance.
I scanned myself to see if I was hungry, I was not, I felt peace and when I feel peace, strangely I dont feel hunger.
Yet I was offered prasadham by this great personality and of course I would accept it.
I said “yes I would love to have some food, at least some water”.
For this I heard the voices of THE OTHERS, “are you gone totally mad, this place looks so dirty and how on earth can you think of eating here. We are hungry, we need to go to a restaurant, Can you please get up and come now?”
Then other voice was going, I don’t think I would come to a trip like this ever. This is not holiday. Is it? I don’t like this place at all. You can stay and eat if you want to die”.
I said silently, “go and have your food and come back and pick me up on the way”.
“she had gone mad”, I am leaving now. I am not going to speak to her”. That was the voice of one of the member.
The guide said, sorry I cannot leave you here, we will have to go together and then I will take you to the most holiest spot where you can take bath, baba ji is also asking you to leave with your family". THe guide was speaking to me as he was speaking to a child.
For this I said, “I will have some water at least” and looked at the baba ji while my heart was screaming at me, don’t leave, you are home”
.
“I got mineral water and don’t you dare to drink water here, you will get ill”, The voice of The Others.

I didn’t have any choice but to go, I didn’t want to make a big scene in front of Babaji, I didn’t want to give any trouble to my guide and I didn’t want to be selfish.
I promised myself that I will return. I got up quickly as possible and was ready to leave, then suddenly remembered that I must bow down to the Baba ji and his guru ji, and asked the guide to thank him for his hospitality and asked him to tell him that I am hoping to come back again.

For this Baba ji didn’t say anything, he looked at me silently, like I will find whatever I am seeking in this life. It felt like he was blessing me through his silence.
I quickly walked out of the hut and walked faster, almost ran away and I didn’t even look back as it felt so painful. But I had to leave before I change my mind.

Ashamed !!!!!!!!

I was hit by a sense of guilt when I was asked how could I interpret others activities though my coloured mind. I was fully aware that I could and I admit this openly. Then of course there are number of ethical questions you got to deal with... is this right thing to do? is this wrong thing to do?
I openly do it ( others might keep it inside) so I could have a peek into my mind, to see what its really thinking. Not for any other reasons. But in this process I really dont want to hurt anyone or make anyone feel sad and I am not sure whether this is happening!
I know the mind is full of prejudices and of course the nature of mind is to judge. But can human beings help it? Try to define the mind then. If you get dictionary, you will find someting similar to this. The mind is thought to be the seat of perception, self-consciousness, thinking, believing, remembering, hoping, desiring, willing, judging, analyzing, evaluating, reasoning, etc.

From this one thing is becoming clear to me. That the mind is far away from truth and one could never comprehend the truth by the help of mind. So why am I even trying? I dont know what the heck i am on about. But I need to sleep. I havent been sleeping for last two days.

But I know this much that I feel sad.

"The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:

A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.

Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create -- so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off...

They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency they are not really alive unless they are creating."
Pearl Buck, US novelist (1892 - 1973)



I can’t seem to think anymore. Let me try this, another day!

The Unknown Man

Suddenly I found myself in this cinema theatre at the back row and it was quite dark and I couldn’t see any of their faces clearly. There was still some time left for the movie to start. My sister was sitting at the right side and to my left I had people whom I was familiar with.
Although I had a rough journey to the cinema, I felt little calmer when I sat down, .I thought to my self, “now I can relax”. The minute I started to feel comfortable, one of them suddenly said, “Can you all move? It is boring to sit like this, we have to mix and sit together”.
It was not bad at all at first, so I moved little further and sat down. However they were not happy still, suddenly they asked my sister to move further to the right and now I found myself sitting with two guys to my right. I felt quite annoyed as I felt my comfort zone was taken away from me. Suddenly I felt like I was sitting in middle of men and in-side I felt suffocated for a second as if all my freedom was taken away from me.

A thought popped into my head, “shall I just move further down and sit on my own?”

I must have said this loud and I drew attention of the two guys from my right side.
Both looked at me at the same time and one of them said, “did you know what we did last time?”

This person, I had met before once and thought he was such a silent person, but right now I experienced a personality change in him. He was more hyperactive and he almost forced himself to act as if he was excited about something. His actions were not natural. I could see it was not really him. Behind the mask of this excitement I felt someone who is little disappointed and sad. Even in the darkness I could see his face, his face looked very tired, it was almost like he didn’t sleep whole night. I had to almost stop myself from reading him. This had become a habit for me these days. I shook my “reading mind” out of myself and again started to pay more attention to my freedom and I.

I noticed myself twisting and turning and I felt as if the seat had become too small to contain me. What a strange feeling? I was sitting in the same seat as before, just because the people I was familiar with had moved away, I started to feel as this new people were invading my privacy. I just wanted to break free and a part of me wanted to strech my legs and hands rest both of my feet on the front seat and but there were people sitting in front of me and I have to give some consideration to them. “Stop thinking in this way, “calm yourself down and act like a girl”. I reminded my mind who I was and reinforced my cultural and spiritual values and I let the mind mull over it while I started to pay more attention to the one who wanted to tell me a story.

Although I was quite annoyed deep inside, I smiled at both and looked like I was very interested in his story. But he didn’t even look at my face or looked for any signs of permission to tell his story. basically dint care whether I was interested or not, he was just going to tell me and I will just have to listen to it.

Without pausing or taking a breath, he said, did you know what he did last time, pointing to the friend who was sitting right next to him?”
Before I could even ask, “what?” he continued, as if he didn’t have time for my whats and hmms … he said, “you know what happened last when we came here?.... we came to the cinema here and the seats were empty and we sat at the back and I was putting my feet on the front chair and there was this man who came and sat down. When he realised my feet over his chair, the man moved to the next one. Then he (his friend was now nodding his head and ready to fill in any details) put his feet on the man's chair.
At this point the story-teller paused and both of them laughed at the same time and probably took couple of deep breaths as well.

Before my mind could even analyse their laughter it quickly moved to have vivid images of the man whom they seemed to have harassed (in my mind). I saw a man who is in his 50s, with few grey hairs. He was sitting down and as he sat down he felt some movement behind his back and realised there was someone sitting at back and putting his feet on his chair. Once he made sense of this, he then moved to the next seat and sat down. He didn’t have any intention to bother anyone at this point. He just wanted to sit quietly and watch the movie. But now he sensed the other pair feet touching his shoulder, he must have lost his patience. He must have felt like a victim of two spoiled youngsters who didn’t have any respect or manners.


Then my mind wandered further and I found myself thinking, “Was he married?” Was he lonely? He came to the cinema on his own and god knows what was his day like before coming into this place, Or did just had a fight with his wife or children so he thought to go out to calm himself down.

Suddenly I found myself saying “Poor him”. “Why did you guys do this? Were you mad or something?”
However they were not at all interested in my comments. For them they were telling me an interesting tale and obviously they knew how I was going to react and they enjoyed every bit of my reactions, but didn’t have time to bother with it. Their story was much more interesting than my reactions, so they continued to tell me in the same fashion without taking any breaths and now they took turns.

Now the other one continued, his face didn’t have any particular expression but if one delved deep into his eyes, one could feel some sort of yearning and a great need to fill an emptiness that was deep inside him.
But he had a tone of a voice that is provoking and teasing in nature. He said, “There were so many seats, why was he sitting in front of us?” I don’t understand. He spoke as if the poor man deserved to be punished for his actions. Then he continued, “the man said, “Remove your feet or I am going to complain” and “I told him off and stressed the fact that I am not going to take off my feet. If you want you can move further down”. He spoke as if he was defending his own territory from an invader. It was almost like an animal instinct, there was no rationale for this.
Suddenly my mind wandered off to survival of the fittest theory and the lectures came to my head as flash backs.
From fruit flies to humankind, it was taken axiomatic that all females mate and become mothers, while among males only the luckiest or most competitive mange to become fathers and there is a great need for male species to defend their territories and compete between males. It is almost inbuilt in men’s brain that they will have to fight for their place, their territory. Suddenly I felt that nature had put too much stress on male species.
Suddenly I had to bring my mind back to what I was listening, “Go and complain then!!! I am not going to remove my feet”. The man apparently left the cinema but never came back. The story ended with laughter again and this time I was not really sure whether it was a nervous laughter or laughter of achievement.
I was trying to speak for the man and I found myself saying, oh poor him… why did you guys do that for? Again both spoke as if they were in right to do this.. They said “he could have gone sat another place” why does he have to sit in-front of us?
“Poor him” I thought and suddenly started to feel for this unknown man who had to leave this theatre after paying for his ticket.

But I somehow forgot that was sitting in middle of men or adolescents or young men. The feeling of suffocation had totally gone. The seat looked bigger and there was enough space for me to feel comfortable. Suddenly I felt good and I thought I am going to sit back and enjoy this movie. That was such a transformation.

Then I looked at them again and saw them in different light.
suddenly I felt like I was sitting with two innocent children, who felt they were right in doing whatever they did. They came to this cinema first and they found comfortable seats and already sitting but this intruder came sat in-front of them and they felt as he was invading their territory. Both of them were telling this story as if someone was trying to take away something that belonged to them. But they didn’t let the intruder invade them. They had won the battle. I saw pride and a sense of achievement and a sense of courage and strength one of them and other was silent, it was almost like he was wondering whether they acted wrong in some ways.
Suddenly story telling stopped and they were both bored or perhaps I didn’t gave them the right exciting level for them to feel entertained and keep it going.
Now they needed something else to entertain themselves rather amuse me with their victory stories.
Without any warning they whistled so lound that I felt as if both of my ear drums were gone. “Ah stop it” I almost shouted at them. Seemed like they didn’t take any notice of me and the movie started and they continued with their whistling and when they saw the female actress, one of them shouted loud, “I love you darrrlinggg” and whistled again.
A part of me was getting upset and was ready to shout at them again, but strangely enough the other part of me felt such compassion towards them and finally I thought to myself, “let them enjoy and have fun before they get entangled into this messy life. Let them feel all the freedom and feel as if they own this world. After all they are still very young and they will make mistakes, learn and make sense of their experiences. AND one day!!! Hopefully they will find meaning in their lives and be joyful in themselves.



P.S: Dedicated to all who came to the movie last sunday. thank you guys:) you were all ANNOYINGLY COOL haha !!!!

The Growth.

But good or bad, what ever she was, she opened her heart, whatever cost, she was ready to pay for it. "STONE HER" they shouted. " She closed her eyes and she was shaking out of fear. Her hands were trembling. Suddenly she realised that she was ready to be embraced by death, her head bowed down automatically. She surrendered herslf to the moment of now. She came forward, she thought, I wished to live, live every single moment of life and see what this moment can teach me. Life became bigger. Just when she was facing the death, she started to live, and it felt as if she was living her whole life in that moment. Now she was fully alive and was ready to die.

"Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone". The sound of his voice entered into every single atoms and echoed the message to all. Suddenly all dissapeared, it felt as if even the sun shyed away from shining on her. There was nothing but a moment of nothingness. Then she felt it. She was touched by the life breath of love, it was almost like the clouds were sending a burst of lightening. Before even she could come to herself, she was pushed down by the life force at his feet, she found eternity in that moment.

She adjusted herself and came to her sense." Forgive this sinner", thus she rested her head at his feet.

He gently put his hands on her head " you are forgiven".

All he had to do was to get her to attempt her to the next stage. He knew that she was ready. She had nothing to lose, she had opened herself up, she was even ready to get stoned and she was ready to die. He could sense that she doesnt care what lies behind her or what lies ahead of her, rather she was one with what lives in her.

He looked into her eyes, repeated himself again, " you are forgiven for your thinking... your thinking of yourself as a sinner". Then He kept quiet, in that silence she felt they had been together for a long time or even beyond the time, that which one might call eternity where the concept of time does not exists. It was almost like he was the one who lives in her.

To her amazement, he started to speak to her with tears in his eyes, " Oh you have come now", How unkind of you to keep me waiting for so long?"

She was bewildered, she was not exactly waiting to hear those words, his silence touched her soul, but his words could only touch her mind.

"Rabboni ! I am not worthy of your love". She exclaimed.

He was fully aware of her condition, the dance between the soul and the mind. " Reach hither thy finger, behold my hand, know that love has no flesh or bones". He took her hands, the touch pierced her mind and made the pathway to her soul. There was a sudden transformation.... She was not what she was before..she looked at him like a child and smiled " it's you" A recognition of unknown or something that cannot be uttered in words. Just recognition! For this he smiled and said " no it is you" then he continued " I am in my father, you in me and I in you". With the moon light, the silence shined through the sound of the thoughts.

He stared at the stars for some-time then he spoke with a voice which was neither gentle nor authoritarian but it had a sense of yerning, "I will not leave you desolate,............. I will come to you, yet a little while, ............................and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. you will be seated with me in the heavenly place called love, where the lover and beloved become one. In that place there is no you nor me. Oneness" !

What did this mean... She suddenly realised that he was going to leave and she would no longer see his physical form. Then there was this emergency, she got to do something. The dance between the soul and the mind had become faster..... She must act now, Now before it is too late.... with this thought the mind became more alive than before.

"I must stop you from going, I can't bear the thought of being separated from you even for one moment."

" Dont GO ", She fell at his feet one again and called " Rabboni ! dont leave me !

But he was already gone.

..........................................................................................................................................................................

* I am sure you all can see where i am coming from , I was always facinated by their relationship, couldnt really find any source that spoke about them. I kind of remembered how ramakrishna cried when he saw vivekanda, likewise i had a fantasy that he must have cried when he saw her. These are all my thoughts.. no offence to those who are too religious to make sense of this.

-M.

UN in the service of War Criminals

As all are aware, UN is useless nation. I am wondering the purpose of its existence. It is clear to me at this point and time that it is serving the war criminals and my fear is that it will continue to serve the war criminals in the future as well.

This is one of the most unprincipled and shameless resolutions ever adopted by any body of the United Nations in the history of that now benighted Organization. It would be as if the U.N. Human Rights Council had congratulated the Nazi government for the "liberation" of the Jews in Poland after its illegal and genocidal invasion of that country in 1939," said Francis Boyle, professor of International Law at the University of Illinois College of Law, referring to the resolution passed at the United Nations Human Rights Council on the Sri Lanka war. He further says, "History shall so judge them all!"Orwell stands vindicated by the U.N. Human Rights Council: WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS FREEDOM, THE U.N. HUMAN RIGHTS COUNCIL LOVES BIG BROTHER," Boyle said, indicating he is deeply disturbed by the U.N. action. History shall so judge them all!"Orwell stands vindicated by the U.N. Human Rights Council: WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS FREEDOM, THE U.N. HUMAN RIGHTS COUNCIL LOVES BIG BROTHER," Boyle said, indicating he is deeply disturbed by the U.N. action.

It is fair to say that India, China, Pakistan and Russia are fellow war criminals in Tamil genocide.

UN got bitten by blood sucking vampires

Intelligence in the service of madness!

There is compelling evidence that human-beings suffer from a serious mental disorder, and are perhaps even insane. If we research into the last thousand years, we can realise that there have been an endless catalogue of insane behaviour. Recorded history shows endless wars, and the brutal oppression of the great mass of human beings by a tiny privileged minority. The terrible oppression of women which runs through history, women were burnt as witches, always targeted by psychotic militants and this still exists in many parts of the world – is another sign of this insanity. The science had spend lots of time and money in research and if we had looked into it, the scientists had created weapons, they have discovered different types of weapons to destroy the humanity. So these intelligent people in the service of madness. Where is this madness coming from?

Eckart says, if If the history of humanity were the clinical case history of a single human being, th diagnosis would have to be: Chronic paranoid delusion, a pathological propensity to commit murder and acts of extreme violence and cruelty against his perceived 'enemies'

( his own unconsciousness projected outward).Driven by greed, ignorant of their connectedness to the whole, humans persist in behavior that, if continued unchecked, can only result in their own destruction.Tolle points to the history of the human race as a history of madness. In other words, that which we consider 'normal' is at its very root, dysfunctional. What we consider 'normal' arises from the ego, and the ego is rampant with greed, pride, the lust for power, anger, fear, jealousy, insecurity, etc.

'My blood boils to think of these idiotic men! How many divisions within us, they are more than a crore!… -Bharathiyar( freedom fighter and a tamil poet)

Unhappy Scientists are root cause for human annihilation!

It seems like deep thinknig unhappy scientists are root cause for hatred and racism. Strange how scientists were trying to prove their theories in the early days using humans, and now politicians are continueing their pligt. Those days these humans were called "wild beasts" and were displayed in human zoos, however today they are called terrorists and you must kill one when you spot one. Since i have this strong desire to put blame on someone, I would like to blame the scientists. I personally believe deep thinking, depressed scientists are root cause for human annihilation and we must save our earth from scientists.
Let me give some evidence for my thinking and let us hope i am not one of those deep thinking depressed scientist.
Human zoos, sometimes called "ethnographic exhibitions" or "Negro villages," were objects of anthropology and anthropometry and also an important means of bolstering "popular racism." Human zoos were popular from the 1870s until World War II, and the concept survived into the 21st century. Ethnographic zoos were often predicated on unilinealism and a version of SocialDarwinism. Many placed indigenous people (particularly Africans) in a continuum between Europeans and the non-human hominids.
Fundamental to scientific racism, unilinealism claimed Western culture was the contemporary pinnacle of social evolution. It was upheld by famous thinkers such as August Comte (1798–1857), Edward Burnett Tylor (1832–1917), Lewis Henry Morgan (1818–1881), and Herbert Spencer (1820–1903). Social evolutionism attempted to scientifically formalize social thinking, and was later influenced by the biological theory of evolution.
Displaying human beings in cages to demonstrate scientific racist theories was common in the second half of the 19th century. The 1889 World Fair in Paris had as major attraction a "Negro village" where 400 indigenous people were displayed. Carl Hagenbeck, a German merchant in wild animals, exhibited in 1874 Samoans and Sami people described as "purely natural" populations. Two years later, he sent an emissary to Sudan to capture wild beasts for his circus attractions, along with Nubians. Geoffroy de Saint-Hilaire, son of Edouard Geoffroy Saint-Hilaire and owner of the Parisian Jardin d'acclimatation, presented Nubians and Inuit in 1877.

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.