But good or bad, what ever she was, she opened her heart, whatever cost, she was ready to pay for it. "STONE HER" they shouted. " She closed her eyes and she was shaking out of fear. Her hands were trembling. Suddenly she realised that she was ready to be embraced by death, her head bowed down automatically. She surrendered herslf to the moment of now. She came forward, she thought, I wished to live, live every single moment of life and see what this moment can teach me. Life became bigger. Just when she was facing the death, she started to live, and it felt as if she was living her whole life in that moment. Now she was fully alive and was ready to die.
"Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone". The sound of his voice entered into every single atoms and echoed the message to all. Suddenly all dissapeared, it felt as if even the sun shyed away from shining on her. There was nothing but a moment of nothingness. Then she felt it. She was touched by the life breath of love, it was almost like the clouds were sending a burst of lightening. Before even she could come to herself, she was pushed down by the life force at his feet, she found eternity in that moment.
She adjusted herself and came to her sense." Forgive this sinner", thus she rested her head at his feet.
He gently put his hands on her head " you are forgiven".
All he had to do was to get her to attempt her to the next stage. He knew that she was ready. She had nothing to lose, she had opened herself up, she was even ready to get stoned and she was ready to die. He could sense that she doesnt care what lies behind her or what lies ahead of her, rather she was one with what lives in her.
He looked into her eyes, repeated himself again, " you are forgiven for your thinking... your thinking of yourself as a sinner". Then He kept quiet, in that silence she felt they had been together for a long time or even beyond the time, that which one might call eternity where the concept of time does not exists. It was almost like he was the one who lives in her.
To her amazement, he started to speak to her with tears in his eyes, " Oh you have come now", How unkind of you to keep me waiting for so long?"
She was bewildered, she was not exactly waiting to hear those words, his silence touched her soul, but his words could only touch her mind.
"Rabboni ! I am not worthy of your love". She exclaimed.
He was fully aware of her condition, the dance between the soul and the mind. " Reach hither thy finger, behold my hand, know that love has no flesh or bones". He took her hands, the touch pierced her mind and made the pathway to her soul. There was a sudden transformation.... She was not what she was before..she looked at him like a child and smiled " it's you" A recognition of unknown or something that cannot be uttered in words. Just recognition! For this he smiled and said " no it is you" then he continued " I am in my father, you in me and I in you". With the moon light, the silence shined through the sound of the thoughts.
He stared at the stars for some-time then he spoke with a voice which was neither gentle nor authoritarian but it had a sense of yerning, "I will not leave you desolate,............. I will come to you, yet a little while, ............................and the world will see me no more, but you will see me. you will be seated with me in the heavenly place called love, where the lover and beloved become one. In that place there is no you nor me. Oneness" !
What did this mean... She suddenly realised that he was going to leave and she would no longer see his physical form. Then there was this emergency, she got to do something. The dance between the soul and the mind had become faster..... She must act now, Now before it is too late.... with this thought the mind became more alive than before.
"I must stop you from going, I can't bear the thought of being separated from you even for one moment."
" Dont GO ", She fell at his feet one again and called " Rabboni ! dont leave me !
But he was already gone.
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* I am sure you all can see where i am coming from , I was always facinated by their relationship, couldnt really find any source that spoke about them. I kind of remembered how ramakrishna cried when he saw vivekanda, likewise i had a fantasy that he must have cried when he saw her. These are all my thoughts.. no offence to those who are too religious to make sense of this.
-M.
